well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Randomize
