After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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