sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
