I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
