I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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