Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
