how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
