Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
