we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i drank out of a bidet.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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