My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
