We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
