Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I love you. Go after that dick
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
