cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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