We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
