My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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