i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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