I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
