I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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