im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
