Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
