lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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