What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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