im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i think i have herpe
just one?
love makes seman taste better
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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