i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
