she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
