Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
