Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
