my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
