Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
