Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize