my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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