i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My life is pants optional.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
