Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
