I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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