We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize