I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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