Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
