no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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