How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I smell like Dick and happiness
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
