Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
