Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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