considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I don't deserve a penis
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
