Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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