I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
