I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
