I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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