I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
