i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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