I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
