So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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