i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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