My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
