I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
