i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i love accidental penises.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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