I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
