just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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