Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize