It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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