We named our party play list daddy issues
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
