Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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