highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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