i can't believe i had my finger in that
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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