Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
