she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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