I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
