if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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